I once read a book entitled Get Over Yourself and the author wrote Fear in the form of an acronym:
Face
Everything
And
Recover

and when I am not chanting No Fear Just DIVA I am reminding myself to Face Everything And Recover. I am pleasantly surprised every time at the results when I use these so I am hoping that this time will be no different.

We all have times when we avoid something because we are afraid to fail or be let down or see our dreams get shattered in front of our faces. For me readers, that is applying for student loans. I am scared to death of not getting the funding that I need to pay off the rest of my education to a school that I have wanted to attend for the past four years. Fear kept me from applying directly out of undergrad and Pride is what put me in the current situation that is causing Fear now. So what am I talking about? Credit. Plain and simple Credit. I am putting myself out there and I hope that this will help someone else in the long-run.

The short version of this story is that I was not trying to live the glamorous life, I was just trying to support myself on my own without a proper financial back up plan. I left my hometown and moved to Atlanta and was mismanaging my money for a while and abusing my cellphone for a job that I thought I could write the whole bill off in taxes (so not the case). I lost my job and had a hard time keeping another one - my problem was accepting any job that would hire me even if it wasn't a good fit. Eventually I was able to find a job through a temp agency. I should have moved out of my apt into a smaller one or moved back home with my mother but I didn't. I chose to try to stick it out - bad idea but pride wouldn't let me go home so I paid for it with my credit.

Moving to Korea was on of the best decisions I could have made financially because I was able to work and travel and pay off the big stuff, but still not without seeing a significant drop in my credit score and some stuff that wont come off until 2015. Trust me I am hurting but my situation is causing me to get creative in finding avenues to pursue my dream of a career in fashion and attending FIDM in the fall. One of the upsides to my lack of employment was the amount of aid I was awarded and that is enough to keep me going.

I recently applied for a pre-approval for about half the amount that I need and was shut down. It killed my confidence for a while but I decided that I will apply in person when I get back home to the States. However with big companies such as Wachovia and Bank of America stopping funding for private student loans I am a bit nervous. I know that with FIDM I can pay the amount in a 6 month payment plan but when I don't have a job or place to live the loans are the only back up plan - so what now?

I will go to locations and have face to face conversations with lenders and ask my family if anyone is willing to be a cosigner. One thing that living in Atlanta has taught me is recognize and accept a lost cause and don't let your pride get in the way of your credit, so I do not plan on moving out there on a wing and a prayer.

I am also considering scholarships but I am in a weird place because I am no longer an "Undergraduate" and this degree at FIDM is after my BA but it's not a "Graduate" degree, still I have not ruled them out and I have applied for a few of those too. I will continue to do my research and keep you updated.

Readers know this - Your Freeway is your own and only you know what Point B you want to be your destination. Don't let anything like credit, a child, bankruptcy, or whatever else it may be hold you back. Face it! Just because the scenery isn't what you expected doesn't mean the destination isn't worth the trip.

"One Step Forward, Just Glance Back. No Fear, Just DIVA!"